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Dear Amy,

My best friend and I used to talk every day, but ever since she started her new job, she’s been “too busy” to keep in touch. She says she’s just overwhelmed, but I can’t help feeling hurt and a little abandoned. I want to be supportive, but I also want her to make time for me again. How do I handle this without seeming clingy?

Sincerely,

Ghosted by the 9-to-5

Dear Ghosted,

First, let’s acknowledge the real villain here: her ambition. How dare she chase a career and grow as a person without checking in to make sure you’ve had your daily emotional smoothie? Don’t worry — you can fix this. Start by sending her a dozen passive-aggressive memes about friendship and loyalty. If that doesn’t reel her back in, try staging an elaborate fake crisis, like “accidentally” texting her that you’ve joined a cult. Bonus points if it’s pyramid-shaped and sells essential oils.

If things are still too quiet for your taste, crash her office with a Starbucks and a slideshow of all the times she said, “We’ll always be besties.” Dramatic readings encouraged. And just in case she thinks you’re being unreasonable, kindly remind her that you were there before the 401(k).

Now, with that said — and I say this as someone who works nine days a week (somehow), is always on call and has small children attempting to climb me like a jungle gym — I do understand how hard it is to balance work, life and relationships. Life gets busy. Sometimes, it’s not about a lack of care but just pure exhaustion. 

It might help to remember that adult friendships naturally ebb and flow, especially during life transitions. A new job — especially one that’s demanding — can throw off routines, including the time and energy someone has for socializing. That doesn’t necessarily mean your friend doesn’t care about you. Check in with her gently, without guilt-tripping. Let her know you miss her and are here when she has time. And if your connection is strong, it’ll find its rhythm again — even if it looks a little different than before.

Best of bad advice,

Amy