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Dear Amy,

I’m trapped in a group text that won’t die. It started as a quick “Who’s bringing what?” for a neighborhood cookout three weeks ago, but now it’s daily GIFs, weather reports and someone’s political hot takes. I don’t want to be rude, but it’s driving me nuts. How do I escape without causing a rift?

Sincerely,

Message Fatigued

Dear Message Fatigued,

You have two options: a graceful exit or total annihilation. I, of course, recommend the latter.

First, do not leave the group text — what if they talk about you after you’re gone? Instead, stay in it and turn on notifications for every message, then spend hours quietly fuming as your phone dings through 47 GIFs of cats wearing sunglasses. Next, make sure to reply to absolutely everything, even if it’s just a reaction like “haha” or a vague “same,” so no one forgets you’re watching.

If someone shares any actual news, immediately one-up it. Stacy got a promotion? Respond with, “Reminds me of when I was offered a job at NASA but turned it down to follow my heart.” Doesn’t have to be true—group texts aren’t governed by fact-checkers.

When someone tries to change the subject, circle back aggressively. “That’s great about your kids award Linda, but back to my comment about how squirrels are clearly forming a militia in my backyard — thoughts?”

Get the party started every morning by sharing a detailed, unsolicited interpretation of your dream the night before or insist that the next cookout have a theme. I suggest the roaring 20’s. Nothing says “casual cookout” like a pinstriped suit. When the group inevitably starts to dwindle, declare yourself the moderator and threaten removal for lack of enthusiasm. 

But if you’re into the reasonable (boring) route…

Most phones allow you to mute or exit group texts. If that feels too bold, try a polite message: “Hey friends, I’m trying to cut back on notifications but appreciate you all — feel free to reach out directly if you need me!” Every group has one person who wishes they’d said it first.

Group threads are like sitcoms — only a few can last nine seasons. The rest need a graceful cancellation.

Best of bad advice,

Amy