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By Amy Lewis 

Dear Amy,

My in-laws show up unannounced all the time. I love them, but they have no concept of personal space. They just barge in, plop down on my couch and make themselves at home. Sometimes they even bring guests! How do I set boundaries without causing a family feud?

– Prisoner in My Own Home

Dear Prisoner in My Own Home,

Time to fight fire with fire. Start showing up at their house unannounced — early in the morning, during dinner, or right when they’ve settled in for a nice, relaxing evening. Bring your laundry, help yourself to their fridge and invite a few friends over while you’re at it. When they finally say something, act genuinely surprised: “Oh, I just assumed we had an open-door policy with each other!”

Next, make your house less appealing. Remove all comfortable seating and replace it with yoga balls. Offer only room-temperature tap water and crackers as refreshments. Whenever they arrive, be deep into an intense hobby — perhaps loudly practicing the bagpipes or running a very aggressive interpretive dance class in your living room.

For an advanced strategy, start referring to your home as a by-appointment-only residence and insist they book a visit through a very complicated online scheduling system. If they refuse, simply stand at the door, shake your head solemnly, and say, “I’m so sorry, but we’re at full capacity today.”

Boundaries can be tough with family, but they’re necessary. A polite but firm conversation can go a long way — something like, “We love seeing you, but we really need a heads-up before you visit. Can you call first?” They might not like it at first, but consistency is key. If they keep showing up, don’t always open the door. Eventually, they’ll get the message.

Every family is different — some are far less formal and think dropping by unannounced is completely normal. That’s fine, but that doesn’t mean you have to disregard your own boundaries. Just because they’re comfortable showing up anytime doesn’t mean you have to be comfortable with it. Stand your ground, and remember: locked doors are a wonderful thing.

Or, just move and don’t give them the new address. Problem solved.

Best of bad advice,

Amy