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By R.A. Mathews

I thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world. I didn’t know her name, but occasionally I would see her posing for photographs and suspected she was an actress. 

It was when she sued her director that I learned her name — Blake Lively. Apparently, she felt the film set was a hostile work environment. 

And then the other shoe dropped.

One interview after another with her from years gone by came out. My neighbor and I looked at one another and couldn’t speak. She was that mean.

I wonder what happened.

Could Blake be among the many people in this nation who say they dislike themselves? Some statistics show that one in three children are bullied and develop poor self-esteem. Then, those who are bullied can become bullies. It’s called repetition compulsion — repeating a traumatic event inflicted on you.

It happens in Scripture. 

If you were not with me last week, I’ll bring you up to speed quickly. Jacob, the grandson of Abraham, who lived some 4,000 years ago, got himself into big trouble when he cheated his older brother, Esau, out of his birthright. Jacob was then forced to live in exile with his uncle, Laban, because Esau had vowed to kill Jacob. 

Laban then took advantage of him for over two decades, but God guided Jacob and he became wealthy.

Even so, when Jacob ultimately fled with his family, two scary things happened. First, Laban followed with the intent to harm him, and then Esau approached with 400 men! 

But God brought Jacob through both events, and he settled peacefully with his family in the Promised Land. Soon enough, the misbehavior of two sons forced Jacob to flee again with his family. 

So, Jacob led a hard life, but the worst was still to come.

You may remember the famous Bible story “The Coat of Many Colors.” It tells how Jacob favored his son Joseph, the child of Rachel, Jacob’s beloved wife. 

Jacob’s ten sons born from different women saw how much their father preferred Joseph over them, and it caused hurt and resentment. 

Jacob’s gift of that beautiful coat was the final straw. As soon as the ten saw it, they snapped and sold Joseph into slavery, telling their father that he had been killed by a wild beast.

Scripture says Jacob’s grief was so deep that he could not be comforted. The greatest tragedy of Jacob’s life was this loss of his son.

And yet the truth is that Jacob brought this pain into his life. How so? Remember repetition compulsion—where a person repeats a traumatic situation that happened to them? 

Jacob favored a son because his father, Isaac, had done the same thing to him. Scripture says, “Isaac loved Esau because he ate of his game, but Rebekah loved Jacob” (Genesis 25:28, ESV).

Isaac’s preference for his oldest son must have hurt Jacob. And then Jacob did the same thing to his 10 sons. As I said, repetition compulsion.

Solomon said, “What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done … ” relaying how history repeats itself (Ecclesiastes 1:9, ESV).

But Scripture also shows that it doesn’t have to be that way.

When famine ravaged Canaan, Jacob sent his ten sons to Egypt to buy food. Joseph, who had become second-in-command of that nation, could have retaliated against his brothers, repeating the harm done to him. But he didn’t. 

History did not repeat itself.

Joseph made a home for them and his father in Egypt where his father would live out his life. We don’t know if Jacob ever forgave his father for favoring Esau, but Scripture tells us Joseph forgave his brothers. Here’s the passage.

“When Joseph’s brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, ‘What if Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back for all the wrongs, we did to him?’ So they sent word to Joseph, saying, ‘Your father left these instructions before he died: “…  I ask you to forgive your brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly.”’ 

“But Joseph said to them, ‘… You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.’ …  And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them” (Genesis 50:15-21, NIV).

We live in a world where many repeat the harm inflicted on them. Blake Lively may bully others because she was bullied, just as Jacob preferred one son as his father had.

But what goes around doesn’t have to come around. Do as Joseph did—forgive. It will free you to live with joy, peace, and good self-esteem.

Contact the Rev. Mathews at R.A. Mathews.com where you can read her biography and sample her books. Copyright © 2025 R.A. Mathews. All rights reserved.